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Photo: self-portrait circa 2004, a study break diversion during MBA school at OU.
I’ve been wrestling internally for a while, specifically with the notion of what I want to make of my life and God’s seemingly sardonic attempts to keep me from what I believe He has made me to be.
This isn’t a post on free will or election, far from it.
It is a post on the perspective of the American, more pointedly, our fanatical obsession with the “hero,” and how this perspective skews our theology (our conversations about God). Now, I’m a born and bred American raised on GI Joe’s, He-Man and Transformers. Brought up with the notion that fighting against evil to save the world from impending destruction is right and just — and as christians our righteous calling. This mindset bled into other facets of my American life, to explore, conquer, defeat the enemy whether it be man, circumstance, nature, or spiritual oppression, et cetera. A hidden curriculum that followed me as a grew… in elementary school we read about Lewis and Clark in the classroom and how they conquered the untamed West, and then on the playground I pretended to be Joe Montana or Jerry Rice, always imitating and emulating my heroes. It continued into high school, as I was coached on the playing field and mentored in the classroom to be all that I can be, which is to say, be the best, beat the opponents, succeed in the classroom, be all that you can so that you will have fame, fortune, or at least a better living than your parents had. And yes, even in college where I had a coach who said (no joke), “Men… winners get the most money, the fasted cars, and the hottest women… and men I’m a winner, so follow me.”
The problem with this subtle indoctrination is that we all grow-up, and at some point realize, life is not an A + B = C formula, that if we follow the recipe for success it will lead to an opulent future. This realization — that we can’t all succeed in our dreams — is something that I struggle with daily. I get even more perturbed about the difficulty of life and the definition of success, when people begin to over-spiritualize or theologize our life’s work, looking at what we did or didn’t do and attribute it to God’s divine providence. To be honest, I just can’t give God that much credit, either way.
I come to this statement, more likely out of frustration and angst, though I feel there is a semblance of truth within that last sentence. We look across the globe through news updates and twitterstreams – where tyranny rules and purity is trampled upon. Most times it isn’t a matter of God blessing or cursing, or even being chosen by Him or hardened against Him. It’s a matter of life — and the circumstances that come our way — choose option A or choose option B — most times I don’t think it really matters to God.
Needless to say, I do believe God cares about us… and this may sound dichotomous or a frank juxtaposition… but I believe God cares about more our response to the circumstances around us, then the actual direction we choose to go.
Our attitude, our witness, our demeanor. Can we find joy in the pain? Riches in relationships? Success in failure?
With this perspective in mind, I can invite God back into the picture, knowing that through all and in all He is leading… not towards fame or fortune, obscurity or pittance…. but towards righteousness and contentment in anything that comes my way.
Job 40:7-9
Dress for action like a man; I will question you, and you make it known to me.
Will you even put me in the wrong? Will you condemn me that you may be in the right?
Have you an arm like God, and can you thunder with a voice like his?
