This past year and a half has been a season of lost traction, specifically in the area of vocation and financial stability. Not one for a “woe is me” diatribe, I’ll try and spin this positive, as I think the good Lord intends me…
Leaving my job at LifeChurch.tv in Oklahoma City and moving up to Iowa to be with my fiancé last October, seems to be one of the big defining points in my life. As I left friends, networks, and stability to embrace love, cold weather, and the unknown. Back in October there was no doubt in the leading of the Holy Spirit as to where Candace and I would be, as well as some confirmation that it would not be an easy transition. I don’t think we’ve shared this, and I hesitate to now, but I think it is relevant to this conversation… So. Here is goes.
Right before I moved up to Iowa, Candace took the Teen Challenge Women to IHOP-KC in Kansas City, suffice to say a “prophecy” of sorts was laid onto Candace from one of the men on the prayer team at IHOP-KC.
He first asked Candace, “Are you married?”
“No, I just got engaged.” Candace Responded.
The man proceded to say, “Ohhh… well, your future husband is going to experience a lot of uncomfort over the next year.”
Ok, Ok… yes. Kinda hokey, as the man probably saw the engagement ring on Candace’s finger and when she said she was engaged to be married he lobbed a softball of a prophecy that God hit right out of the park… because what man isn’t uncomfortable in his first year of marriage?
Nonetheless, I took that prophecy to heart and began to seek the Lord on it, in the hopes of bolstering my faith in anticipation of the “uncomfort” that was projected.
Needless to say, my faith was not ready for the drought that was 2010. I spent from October till March looking for a job, with no avail. The day I got married, February 20, 2010, I was a penniless pauper, with no job and no prospects. The week we got back from our honeymoon, I filed papers to create Samwell Creative Group, L.L.C. and began pounding the pavement and inter-tubes for clients and projects.
For the past year, I have been blessed with work. And yet, we are still in the red.
It seems I have been spinning my wheels, and with each bout of acceleration we sink deeper in the glut of mud around us.
Yet.
In my discomfort and frustration, God has provided a roof over our heads, gas in the tank, and food on the table. Our first year of marriage we’ve been forced to cling in utter dependence on God, the author of our faith. Ours has not been a honeymoon year, but a refining year… as we truly wrestle with the idea of oneness amidst financial stress, vocational meanderings and ministry blockades.
Recently, a couple people have asked me a most offensive question in regards to this past year, “Sam, Do you think that your lack of traction in business and ministry are a result of an unconfessed sin in your life?”
Shit. What a degrading question to ask… I’m already down, and this question is like a swift kick to the kidney. How am I to answer that? Yes, I’m sure I have unconfessed sin in my life. But no, I do not think that unconfessed sin is the reason for my lack of traction.
God blesses the wicked and the righteous alike, he does not show favoritism. Besides, I can blame a lot more things than my disgusting flesh for my woes, including a depressed economy, being the new kid on the block in a small close knit community with no knowledge of my past… besides a piece of paper listing my accomplishments, my specific skill set being related to emerging technologies, and much much more.
Definition: Traction – the action of drawing or pulling a thing over a surface, esp. a road or track.
Truthfully, Candace and I have seen quite a lot of traction in our lives… over the past year we have been drawn over the refiners fire, pulled through the mud and mire, we have been drawn to oneness and pulled up onto a stable foundation. We have experienced such an incredible gift over the past year, as we have had evenings to talk, mornings to pray, and weekends to explore what love means, and also what love does. As I look back, I see God’s hand moving us along and through the muddy pit, our traction was not found in financial success or vocational stability, rather it was found as we leaned on Him to carry us onward in complete dependence.
So. In response… What areas have you lost traction in? And do you think, maybe, God is pulling you through areas of spiritual traction, amidst the stasis?
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12 Comments on "traction…"
Dude, thanks for sharing. I just wanted to comment with some encouragement. Your story reminded me a bit of Job…I know not as extreme, but the heart is there. Rough year and then people around you trying to figure it out. Job’s “friends” were brutal…pretty much kicking him in the kidneys while he was down. The fourth young guy, Elihu (Job 32-37), was a real piece of work…geesh!
All that to say God works all things together for good for those who love Him. He has purpose for you and Candace. Your path is your path. It sounds like through the intermittent traction, God has used the pain to give focus to your marriage. This is a great thing that will be even greater with hindsight and time. You guys are awesome, and I am excited for what God is in the future for you both.
gimme some Job. love and hate it at the same time.
Very insightful…as one who has lost traction and regained it again I know where you are and know where you will end up…keep following and keep trusting and you will be blessed more than you know.
thx marilyn.
I feel I lose traction every time something does not work out.
Its like I cannot figure out where I am going. I desire to know what will happen, and when the rug is pulled out from under me I tend to fall on my back and stay there for a while.
Its a challenging time really, because I want to know where I am going and what will happen, I want to know how God will use me in big ways (that is what everyone always says but they never tell me how, i hate that) and what is the next steps.
I resonate with this a lot. As someone who sits in a very unconventional life of a free-lancer/self-employed you never know what is next. I do not want to offer up that spiritual answer that God is in control and he makes every great. Because often times I do not always feel like that. I feel more challenged, frustrated, and angry that things seem to not work out. I sometimes feel like I am being pulled in all of these directions but not in the way I want to go.
But I am often reminded of all the things that I have and have gotten to do. Much like you said, a place to live, food on the table and gas in the tank. In this time of unknowing my patience is being challenged in ways that I thought it could not go anymore.
Thanks for being honest about this, glad to know I am not alone.
again… like ya kyle.
the good thing is your where your perspective is… even though there’s no clarity, at least your struggling through it. and I think that is what faith is, a struggle (for me anyway).
Well said son! I am encouraged!
Have a great day!
Your mom
thx momma
Thanks for sharing this, Sam. It’s heavy, it’s real and it’s really good to read your perspective on it. God consistently uses the rough spots in my life for good and I can’t imagine how God is probably already using your story in the lives of other people he wants to minister to. I’m proud to call you a friend and I’m praying for you and Candace.
daniel.
your friendship encourages me! go climb a granite rock and think of me.
First, Mom #FTW! Love that.
Second, I’m excited to see what God does in (first!) and then through you guys. We’ve spent a brief amount of time together, but every conversation makes me more confident that God is doing a great work, and you are being positioned to be a part. Keep moving, my friend!
dude. my mom rocks the casba. i could say the same about you and amanda. keep on keeping on.