Ok, this should be under the category TMI (too much information), but it is incredibly funny in a “where has the world come to?” sort of way…
Facebook. A lot of people have it. A lot of people utilize it to stay in contact with friends who live far off, not far off, and right next door. It has become a such a utilized site that many don’t even use email anymore. It also is a breeding ground for being a Creepy McCreeperson, don’t deny it… everyone has done it. Whether it is checking out a potential date, checking up on a X-boyfriend or girlfriend, or just seeing what some friends are up to…. A friend said it best, “Nothing good happens on Facebook after 11pm.” And that is probably entirely true. But until now there has been an unspoken understanding, a social norm, if you will; you have a Facebook account with the understanding that your friends and acquaintances are going to check out your page (unbeknownst to you), and in turn you will do the same (unbeknownst to them)… In essence, Facebook is a forum for stalking your friends… which is not inherently wrong, and in fact, is encouraged…
My Story
In your life there are instances of weakness and temptation, when in the pits of depressing singleness, you wonder and think about past relationships and the moments and conversations that led each of them to pathetic and/or catastrophic failure. Today at 6:12pm, I creepster’d on an X-girlfriend’s Facebook page. This is not something I am proud to admit, but in my defense, YOU ALL HAVE DONE IT!!! I do not stand alone in my pitiful action… dredging up woebegone feelings towards past relationships. It is an epidemic that facebook has made into a multi-billion dollar business.
Before Facebook, to get over a relationship we would burn the pictures, throw the shoebox away, and delete the phone number… but now we also have to sever contact on Facebook. This seems to be very logical progression, but no one does ever completely severs the relationship, it becomes the last piece of thread connecting you to the sweater of possibility. And so we let the Facebook relationship ride, and every now and then, we perform a check-up: How’s it going over in there? What is their status? Are they in a relationship? What did they do for Spring Break? On and on it goes…. Until the moment they install an application called “Stalker Alert!”
Today, in my moment of weakness and curiosity, I logged on an X’s Facebook and saw something I was not expecting… My profile pic with the title, “STALKER ALERT” above it. And In this instance of guilt-ridden clarity, I completely freaked out. I quickly pressed “crtl-Q” and closed my macbook’s lid. My heart-rate was accelerated and my mouth was dry and sticky. After a few deep breathes, I slowly opened my macbook, launched firefox, and typed in the url: www.facebook.com. After logging in, I did what any irrational person would do, I immediately de-friended the aforementioned x-girlfriend…
So now not only am I a stalker, but I am aware that I am a stalker and she is now aware that I’m aware I’m a stalker… and here I sit. Vindicated because this event has forced me to do something I would have never done before (though should have), I have completely eradicated her from my life. She is no longer my Facebook friend.
Moral(s)
A stalker is just a friend you don’t know.
Date Jesus and avoid baby-momma-drama.
Questions
Why did the Catholics invent “guilt”?
Do you think she will catch-on to the events of today and begin to re-stalk me… will she read this post?
Yoikes!
No Comments on "creepy mcCreeperson…"
What is this stalker alert app you speak of? I’ve never heard of it. I wanna know whose stalking me
After the freak out, I went on Facebook to figure out what it was all about… and found Anti Stalker application, that is meant to freak people out, it won’t ever show that you were at their site (against facebook policy)… so I was totally GOT. and now am no longer friends with her. Which is probably a good thing, right? I mean we both know who I’m talking about here… Although no one else does so let’s just keep that on the low down.
LOL. No fears my friend. Mum’s the word.
I’ve always wondered if they would start keeping track of stats. It should be straightforward to make an app that reads your userid (or can pull it) from cookies and record who all checks you out, so to speak.
Stalker Sam, If only you still had the conceiver….
Yoikes indeed. The thing I find most interesting about facebook is the fact that in order to fully delete your profile, you literally have to delete every aspect of your own profile. Delete your friends, photos, apps, links, favorites, and anything else you wrote. All by hand as facebook can’t do it for you. After that, then they allow you to delete your account. This is because they backup everything about everyone, and as such require the user to delete content for it to actually be deleted.
So it should be no surprise that they can track everything going on. Just google “facebook beacon” and you will find that facebook revealed what people were doing online to their friends. Now that is creepy.
Just throwing that out there.
What a cruel application! But you’re right — we all do the stalking. But rest assured that in your situation, my heart also would have been racing and I too would have been GOT.
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