i spent the evening with some friends of mine in Pagosa Springs, CO on a night off from camp. We got around to talking about relationships and such, which seems to always come up when the young and restless merge with the wisdom of life well lived over cookies and coffee.
At one point this was said by a mother, “I just don’t think he adores her… and every wife needs to be adored.”
Wow. How true. I want to adore my wife (future wife). And at the same time I want her to adore me. This is an idealistic statement, but nonetheless a statement I believe can be a reality. To adore, we must first lay down our own selfishness and self-adoration. This sacrifice, which at first can be painful, must be done to establish a deep connection and foundation of respect.
Respect is the cornerstone of adoration, it compliments the action and buffets the committment of love. And one cannot be respected if the only outpouring of love is narcissistic.
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Adore=cherish
Someone once said, “It is easy to get married, not so easy to stay married.” Adoring or cherishing wanes. Why is that? There are many reasons. We certainly don’t have to be taught to be selfish-it is our carnal nature. Selfishness has many expressions through an individual. There are “roots” that need to be dug up and put to death. Relationships of any kind will do this “digging up”. This process in a Christ honoring marriage has the cornerstone of respect and therefore the outcome of living and digging together as one unit should preserve the personhood of that spouse, not annihilate that personhood which you initially adored in your getting to know each other. This is a big mistake in many marriages; especially by men of a commanding and prophetic personality.
Christ loved His bride with an efficacious love (Ephesians 5:25-27). To love with effect by actions requires God’s grace, for we are still being sanctified day by day. We all have flesh to deal with: moods, hormone swings, bad days, emotions that influence our tones and behaviors toward another. Despite those moments, cherishing is not lost, or doesn’t have to be lost. Thank God for showing us the way to confession, repentance and forgiveness that restores us to that first love emotion.
Christ loved the church in a way which transformed her. In the same way , a husband is to assume responsibility for his wife’s increasing loveliness. One man marries a pretty woman and hopes, fingers crossed, that she will manage to stay that way-inwardly and outwardly. But a committed (covenanted) husband marries a beautiful woman and VOWS before God and witnesses that he will nourish and cherish (adore) her in such a way that she will flourish in that beauty. Christ bestowed loveliness on His church through His love. A Christian man is called to do the same. This is hard for a man when things just aren’t going his way or as he expected in the relationship. Frustration and angry tones with impatient attitudes will destroy the heart of a woman, just as stomping on a tender, just opened, blossoming flower will kill it. Her respect toward him will slowly deteriorate over the months and years ahead if he walks in the flesh like this habitually. If a man wants respect and adoration, he must lead in those virtues with a sincere and changed heart. Love is defined by lawful behavior from the heart.
The cheif end of marriage is to glorify God. Those who glorify God will of course obey Him in their self-sacrificial love for their spouse. This heart attitude is easier and natural in women, as they were created distinctly for this role to nurture.
So, when a man adores a woman and takes her as his bride, all who know them should expect to see her flourish and grow in loveliness in the years to come. If their wedding ceremony referred at all to the fifth chapter of Ephesians, was this not what he vowed he would do? As a husband treats his wife in the Scriptural fashion, he should expect her to grow increasingly lovely, and her respect toward him will grow increasing his confidence and developemnt in the leadership role.
When a husband seeks to glorify God in his home, he will be equipped to love his wife as he is commanded. And if he loves his wife as commanded, the “aroma” of his home will be pleasant indeed, and others will know they are one in covenantal marriage by their deepened adoration!
Great words of knowledge. When you add to knowledge experience, then it becomes wisdom. Experience is many times encountered through hard clashes.
I love you son!
MOM
here here!