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I hide at Starbucks, in the anonymity of crowds and the confusion of sounds, this is my place to hide from reality and wallow in my self-degradation. It is a place that enables me to shut off the world, people watch, get my caffeine fix and ignore the problems of my day.
Today, I’m hiding from God, not because I don’t want Him in my life, but because I do. I want Him to find me and to ask, “Why were you hiding?” I want Him to seek me out, because I am tired of seeking Him. Honestly, I am probably seeking the answers I want from Him, more than I am seeking after a relationship with Him… It’s one of those paradoxes – as I seem to want answers, direction, affirmation from God more than I want a relationship with Him, but yet I need to have a relationship to receive any of the ancillary benefits.
But which comes first? My first inclination is I would seek the things before the relationship – for they are conditions I seek in every friendship – but what if I just asked God for interaction. Not anything else, just interaction, words between friends, a conversation.
Of course, Him being God, I’m going to ask Him questions that meet His pay-grade – questions about doubt, tragedy, silence, direction, and happiness.
But not today, I’m hiding today.
